Chicken & Leek Pie£11.95-ish
Le Pain Quotidien restaurants
“One of those, my good sir!” I gleefully pointed to the chicken & leek pie on the paper menu at Le Pain Quotidien then leant back in my chair with my hands now laced across my stomach. The nice waiter jotted down the table’s order and headed off to begin preparations while a content smile lifted my face as I looked out through the window. Nothing but a layer of glass stopping the bitter cold from aching my aging bones.
My smile dropped about 3 seconds later as my dish appeared along with the rest of the table’s orders. The thought of everything on the menu made hours ago and sat under hot lamps, ready to sling out to the tourists and elderly people made me regret battling my way in for a seat.
I picked up the small jug of ‘gravy’ and poured it over the old looking potatoes, withered green beans, husk-like carrot chunks, and mass produced pie. I say ‘gravy’, it was more like warm ditch water. In fact, the liquid within was more fluid in movement that water itself. Atom thin and truly pointless, rather like my patience to accept new places/people in my life as nothing works out.
I released a mighty sigh and picked up the water-stained cutlery and began dissecting the items of food. Everything was so incredibly dry, which I suppose isn’t that surprising as no doubt this plated, non-touch, sensory description of dryness would be considering its apparent lengthy stay under hot lamps. The ‘gravy’ did nothing to combat this assault as it just lay there at the bottom like a murky swamp of misspent money. I would have garnered more moisture and nutrients if I ate the top layer of a long-forgotten desert.
Everything had the same, mushy texture apart from the green beans – they were snappy and crunchy…and presumably raw based on how tough and bitter they were. The potatoes tasted of warmed up nothingness, the carrots were orange chunks of garbage, and the chicken & leek pie itself seemed to be a pastry tub filled with a poor performance, failed grades, and a pointless quest in which you die at the end.
After a few bites of each part, I pushed the plate away and stared out of the window again, this time thinking how long I could last out there before the icy fingers of eternal sleep closes around my body. At least that way I wouldn’t have to pay the ridiculous bill I was left with.