"As my eyes melted down my face I thought here is no way that anyone could ever enjoy having their face totally blasted off from the inside out via blistering heat"

£6.00 Café Caribbean, Old Spitalfields Market, London The other day I sat across a room and watched a friend of mine, Tom H, slowly morph from a man into a screaming fangirl over Jerk Chicken from a place called Café Caribbean. “Are you good with spicy food?” he asked. “No,” I responded, rather worried at the prospect of slowly shutting down internally due to fire damage. He proceeded to tell me that as the establishment was a small one, the spice levels in their cuisine varies from day to ...

$3.80 Everywhere, NYC One of the best things about globetrotting is popping into familiar establishments and discovering the weird and different shit they have for that region. For example in South East Asia, McDonald’s have the McSpaghetti meal which is basically slop for when you’re so hungover, your mind and body are residing on different planes of reality. Where I’m from, we get the McViolence, McDrugDeal, and the family favorite, McUnprovokedAcidAttack. Anyway, this review is about Sta...

£5.29 Burger King I arrived back in London after popping out for super important business meetings and I found myself to be rather peckish. Unluckily for me, the only place I could sit down in at Marylebone Station was a piece of shit Burger King hole-in-the-wall with some greasy seats inside amongst the piles of trash and garden furniture outside, located in a wintery wind tunnel. After ordering the Bacon Cheese Chicken Royale and staring in awe at the stuck up bitch next to me, I braced my...

Ho ho ho, every writer’s shared office space has released their Christmas selection of warm, sugar drinks. I visited a few Starbucks locations around London and sampled their festive latte selection. I’ve yet to try their yuletide hot chocolate offerings as I’d prefer to leave Starbucks not only feeling sick, but to have a shot of coffee for when the sugar crash kicks in. Gingerbread Latte According to my brief notes on this cold-staving drink, the Gingerbread Latte tasted like a slightly bit...

£1.80 All good supermarkets Original Source shower gel is the reason why I started this website many years ago and I still struggle with the memories of that experience to this day. So when I entered the bathroom with the idea to take a normal shower, you can image the crashing look I had on my face when my eyes landed upon this pink bottle of mystery. I tentatively picked up the bottle and studied the text on the front. The title read Sweet Apple and Vanilla Milk, which is ‘shower milk’. I ...

Trimmer Tycoon By Improx Games Free Steam: Windows/OS X (Reviewed on OS X) Trimmer Tycoon is a free game available on Steam for Windows and OS X. The fact that I’m repeating what the info box above says should tell you that I’m lost for words. Taking up valuable megabytes of room, this game tasks you as the owner and head stylist of a beard grooming salon. Pixelated patrons amble in with one simple wish, and that’s to have their colourful beards trimmed and styled by a master craftsman; some...

KFC - Original Recipe Stacker £4.99 KFC Establishments After 20 grueling minutes at the gym where I pay through the nose to be in a sweat-heavy room breathing in other people’s maddening effluvia as they grunt and heave weights about thinking they’ll wake up in the morning looking like Jean Claude Van Damme in Kickboxer, I found myself to be in a slight dire need of sustenance. Luckily for the company that owns the chain of gyms, there’s a KFC just over the road. I push the disarmingly cheap ...

"There are cheaper ways to get a rushing buzz to the head, but you'll probably end up in jail"

Starbucks - Pumpkin Spice Latte £3.25 (yeah...I know) Available seasonally in Starbucks It’s that time of the year when the western world comically commercialises the day of the dead by dressing up in bin bags, force sweets from old people, and murder one another as people clap thinking it’s a Halloween show. And with this cheap madness comes the not-at-all cheap Pumpkin Spice Latte from every writer’s favorite office space, Starbucks. Having my Twitter feed explode with everyone going mental...

I love candy and I love pizza. So a pizza constructed out of candy should, in theory, blow my mind to fragments only for it reconstruct itself but within a new universe formed of nothing but ecstasy. Oh how wrong I was. The warhammer of disappointment swung high and heavy before crushing me out of existence; and so I find myself writing an entry to my site. The little pizza boxes stood out from the crowd of regular packaged sweets and candies hanging on the wall, but only to lure suckers like...

Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryer £299.99 Dyson.co.uk Can you imagine a world where deadly turbines are no longer easily accessible? A world where aviation fuel handlers won’t get sucked into jet engines when refuelling, but instead pass straight through while quite often laughing with glee? Welcome to the future world of Dyson. [Dyson-Supersonic-Hair-Dryer2.jpg] I’ve already done a review on a hair dryer that purported to be ‘50% quieter’ than the next leading brand, when in fact it was 2% loud...