Meatless Farm - Chickenless Roast
"It just tasted of, according to my notes at the time, 'eating the wrong air', which I can only unfold to be that it felt like something was really not right"
Chado Tea Shop - Avo Toast & Istanbul No. 2 tea
"Looking like a small lost surfboard returning to shore along with the treasures and plantation of Atlantis placed atop"
Arada Beyrut Cafe - Istanbul
"I had already lost my mind about the potential food combinations I could create. Cheese with honey? I am Greek royalty. Tomatoes dusted with exotic spices? I am a Mediterainnian millionaire. A doughnut with my coffee? I am an uncouth American. "
Marmite Breakfast Biscuits
"I'd never thought 'this is what they probably smell when they push open a sarcophagus' prior to opening these"
Pret - Pesto Salad
"Adding more grey to the flavour of grey"
Urgot Bruncherie (Barcelona) - Madoughnut
"If cutting open a poached egg is like cutting open a baseball, you're probably in a place that sells tinned chicken"
Eti Gold - Caramel Chocolate
"Looking like one of King Midas' test touches, the Eti Gold bar hummed the air with a sense of false opulence not too dissimilar to the "look, we too can bump gums with the upper-class" products like Nescafe Gold and every other shit with 'gold' added to their line"
Neat Burger – Chik’n Burger
"All of the marketing material on the walls lovingly stated how much your meal saves a planet’s worth of water by not watering cows or some shit, and how plant-based living is the best ever or something. I dunno, I didn’t properly read any of it"
Plant Kitchen – No Pork Streaky Bacon
Melrose And Morgan – Mince Pies
"Along with the same ten Christmas songs on repeat and the burning cold of a misty London day, mince pies start their ascension from the depths of our collective memory to adorn every inch of prime retail-shelving estate"
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